Christina

boo. :(


i am going to be working some split shifts at work again. our review in the Austin-American Statesman has literally doubled business so far. hate to shove my days in the crapper like that, but i need to squeeze as much money out of this month as possible.

made buckwheat sweet potato loaf cake w/ orange glaze tonight, polenta with simmered onions/tomatoes/basil/roasted red peppers last night, and Gina DePalma's double chocolate hazelnut wafers the day before that. that's nice, to get back in the kitchen even minimally.

geez i love fresh mozzarella. desert island: me, sand, ocean, one palm tree, fresh mozzarella, fresh bread, olive oil, salt, pepper. i could wing a seagull and make it my captive egg-layer.

i didn't wear a costume to last night's costume party, because my ennui to inspiration ratio was off, but i ended up being painted as a gay biker, with a chinstrap and mutton chops and a tough scar/rainbow combination. other people paint my beards for me, is how drag king i am apparently.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/digg/christopher-walken-performs-lady-gagas-poker-face/

hee hee hee

my brother and i are extremely different. i am concerned for his future state of mind.

today i told Dr Sottile that i was extremely frustrated and fed up, because it seems like all i i do these days is go to work, get incredibly angry at work, and then go home and rant about work, then waste time. i'm not thinking about anything. i'm not doing anything. i'm just sitting here in this little in-between patch of my life, wishing i could tuck up the raggedy edges under me like an ugly carpet, but no. they're untuckable. the carpet is ugly.


 it's like the most boring monster from the black lagoon ever.

i mean today though i was told that i "never finished all of my work on time," was once again accused of theft, and was literally told "don't look at me like that, i am the boss, i say something, you say yes, you do."

Sam's sister Arza, who has taken all of my evening hours by dint of having no qualities except family ties and willingness to work for absolute minimum wage, apparently likes to paint in the evenings. she arrives at 5:30 or 6pm, Sam leaves, she wanders dazedly behind the counter and rustles through the till, then spreads out a piece of backboard, paints, canvas, etc. i think she's taking Valium or some other kind of downer. instead of communicating in a normal fashion, she nudges everyone's shoulders and says, "hey you know?" in the kind of way a cynical prostitute Punky Brewster would, then leaves misspelled jovial notes in thick black Sharpie to be interpreted. John's note says, "i am verrrrrrry hungry and if u dont make me dinner my boyfriend will beat you up! haha John :) pleese"

anyway this morning i found the painting she was working on last night wedged behind the dusty potted palm in the corner.

where do these people come from?

my wrist/forearm tendons are like hardcore death right now. like joint pain, tingling, inflamed tendon pain, stiffness, weakness. guess i should stop using the internet or stop working.

oh wait, no.

i really do find making lists helpful.

today i need to:
finish (or make big progress on) my application essay for UWash
take Goodwill bag of clothes to Goodwill
paint my nails (i don't need to, but i do want to)
organize the refrigerator
check that the rest of my UWash app is in order
send off SAT score reports
print off a transcript request from from Bard
activate my re-issued debit card (someone stole my informashun and charged $300 worth of fencing material on my card...great! :(  )

things i have done today:
baked a pear and chocolate cake
gotten dressed
read
re-organized things because the heavy rains are flooding the house
exchanged text messages

You can't do me, you can't do me, you can't do me the way you did before
'Cause when you do, and when you do, 'cause when you do, you know I get so blue
When you do, and when you do, 'cause when you do, you know I get so blue and I go
Down like a deep sea diver, out like a Coltrane tenor-man,
Lost like a Chinese war baby - gone, gone, gone
Booed like a Mississippi sharecropper, screwed like a high-school cheerleader,
Tattooed like a popeyed sailorman
gone, gone, gone!

I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
And for a while, for just a while, for a good long while you'd see me smile, smile, smile
I'd crawl the seas on my bony knees, no apologies for my brave new style. I wouldn't go
Bust like an internet millionaire, boom like a Lebanese belly-dancer,
Bang like a new year's firecracker - gone, gone, gone! I wouldn't get
Bent like a rattan rockin' chair, blanked like a last place also ran,
Burned like an Arkansas griddlecake 
gone, gone, gone!

I should have been, I should have been, I should have been a pair of ragged claws.
And if I was, if I was, if I was then I'd complain no more.
And for a while, for just a while, for a good long while you'd see me smile, smile, smile.
I'd crawl the seas, on my bony knees, no apologies for my brave new style.
I wouldn't get
Wrecked like a rebel on a racetrack, jacked like a '51 Cadillac,
Macked like a bunny in a mansion - gone, gone, gone!
Spitooned like an Alabama 'backy wad, harpooned in a Melville sailor yard,
Cartooned like a Charlie Brown Christmas card
gone, gone, gone!

Schooled like a milk money bully whip, sued like a teenage downloader,
Unglued like a bull in a china shop 
gone, gone, gone!
Cranked like a speed freak high-roller, yanked like a little league ball swatter,
Spanked like a fly on a bar counter 
gone, gone, gone!

Duked like a pistol whipped card swapper, rebuked like a Bible Belt border crosser,
gone gone gone

i haven't updated in a month...ahh...

i'm working full-time at Milano Cafe. i get there every morning around 6:30am, unlock, turn on the lights, grind and brew the coffee, empty out the huge iced tea/lemonade/water urns, wash them and refill them, unwrap pastries, put out the daily specials board and outdoor chairs, wipe all the tables, turn on the computer and POS system, turn on the espresso machine, pizza oven, and panini grill, check the espresso machine, re-sanitize all the espresso machine add-ons (tins, spoons, portofilters), polish and roll silverware, and then let the customers in at 7am. from then until 3pmish, i wait and bus tables, work at the register, do all of the espresso/coffee/smoothie stuff, top up the beverage urns (hee hee hee), help the chef do prep, wash dishes constantly, and check the bathrooms. before i leave at three, i vaccuum the entire restaurant, sanitize the bathrooms, scrub all of the handwashing sinks, and then cash out my tips.

John is our happy Brazilian chef, Matt is a boyish timid 29 sous chef, and Sam is an annoying useless chauvinist bullshitting buffoon here by the grace of providence and who knows what else. typical Sam (he's the owner) is to come in with D&G jeans slung around his butt, Express shirt tucked in, give me a soliluquoy on how bad business is and how Italy is better, chide me about something, go out and smoke twenty cigarettes, then come and attempt assistance at the register, where he proceeds to either foul up an order ticket, give me duplicate drink orders, over or under charge someone, or spend ten minutes flirting with one customer while three others wait in line. then he goes shopping for supplies and comes back two hours later with twice the amount needed and a crap loaf of other stuff we don't need, either.

"Oh, all of these pastries look so delicious! Wowww! Do you make them here?"

"No, all these pastry we import. We import from, you know, Italy and also Europe. The tiramisu I make myself, and my mother, she make the kadaif from old Albanian recipe, is in our family twenty generations."

"Wow! Hmmm...well....how about-- are those brownies?"

"Yes, they are authentic Egyptian brownies. Like brownies but heavy, like, eh...special, you know? From Egypt."

"My first Egyptian brownie, how cool! I'll take two."

/

"You know, this coffee is so good. It's got a great rich flavor. I just got back from Paris - so lovely - and it reminds me of the coffee there. Where do you get it?"

"Is all import from Italy. Coffee and espresso is best in Italy - you know how much I pay for this? ELEVEN DOLLARS a pound."

"That's impressive, no wonder it tastes so good..."

/

"I just love your espresso. You know, Starbucks burns their beans and this is so much better. Where do you get it? Could I buy some?"

"I import beans straight from Brazil. Is, how you say? Environmentally friendly? Is all...fair trade. Me I don't really know much about that stuff, but my wife, she cares a lot about the environment, you know. So I say okay, Jiki, I love you, I will buy it, ok? But the beans...I get roast by family member, he does not make for anyone else. I'm Sicilian, ok? We do these things for each other."

/

"Do you buy your vegetables locally?"

"Yes, is all from local farmers. Basil, rosemary, my mother grows these in backyard."

/

everything is from Sam's Club.

oh Sam. he's so good for my future career as a Zen monk.

this morning i woke up three hours later than intended because my alarm didn't go off. i wanted to make popovers but we had no milk, so i decided to be brave and not just opt for something more boring and run to the store to get milk. i get back and suddenly three roaches exploded out of my sink. i squirted the roach death fluid we keep under the sink at them and i also bashed them with a wooden spoon. we had a little war going on where they would hide under the plates in the sink and i would try to stab them.

traumatizing.

i did get soy creamer at the store though!

A - Age: 19

B - Bed size: the size of a foam mattress on the floor.

C - Chore you hate: vaccuuming. the cats hate it too.

D - Dog's name: i don't have a dog! i have five cats instead.
.
E - Essential start your day item: shower. it's not an item, but i still need it.

F - Favorite color: ummmm....blue? black?

G - Gold or Silver: silver

H - Height: short but taller than your mom

I - Instruments you play: viola

J - Job title: NEET. get it.

K - Kids: 0

L - Living arrangements: with my mother until January :(

M - Mom's name: Alexis

N - Nicknames: i don't really have any

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: None

P - Pet Peeve: when people don't use turn signals. USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL.

Q - Quote from a movie: no thanks.

R - Right or left handed: right

S - Siblings: older brother named Erik

T - Time you wake up: i've been trying to get up around 10:30 or 10 these days. every time i succeed, it remains the biggest accomplishment of my day.

U - Underwear: yes?

V - Vegetable you dislike: bell peppers and mushrooms.

W - Workout style: ten push ups whenever i get too disgusted with myself.

X - X-rays you've had: teeth and sinuses.

Y - Yesterday's best and worst moment:
best: being found by a little flock of miniature ponies while trespassing around Lockhart.
worst: :(

Z - Zoo favorite: fuck zoos. they are usually really awful.

my dad is okay, back at home after three days' observation, though he can't work for the next two weeks, or bike/kayak for the next month (which he is accustomed to doing).

so that's good!

so since Wednesday, i got fired, got into a car accident, and my father had a stent collapse and went to the hospital.


this is the live frog of the season, and after this things can only improve, right?

i have this new sensation of unhappiness being really frustrating. like i don't feel content with anything. it's like an itch. whatever i'm doing, i'm not happy doing it, and i will not in the future be happy doing it. my psychiatrist prescribed me anti seizure meds to help my panic disorder but i don't know if that will make me happier. probably just less anxious. which is nice, having a panic attack before bed sucks. but rlly.

i just ate an entirely, utterly unsatisfying chocolate/peanut butter/caramel candy bar. how is that possible?

umm i'm trying to think of, like, life updates deserving of an LJ update and can't think of any.

read my blog! fashionfork.blogspot.com

i don't know what it is about hipsters graduating with a liberal arts degree and going on to start an organic farm that makes me so angry, but it does anyway. there was one near Bard that had dubbed itself 'Awesome Farm'. really now. maybe what it is is that i don't feel like these people take food--the taste, the texture, how enjoyable it is, the fact that it's something to be cooked and devoured and so on--seriously enough. instead it seems to be more about being as hyper local, organic, vegan, and unutterably coolly PC as possible. that's so gross. probably i'm not examining the situation far enough but if i can't unreservedly pass judgment about something, then i'll just bust.


the best french fries i've had in a long time came from the Crown & Anchor Pub on San Jacinto. also they gave me a free drink because of my anchor tat. i mean they sort of had to, didn't they. 

and i made rhubarb pie and pickled carrots yesterday. the carrots came out pretty delicious (a quick pickle, obvs, but they will still keep for a month).

i got robbed of $50 last night at work. two Mexican guys came in and ran me around switching out hundred- and fifty-dollar bills and then walked out with fifty dollars more than they came in. so, so angry at myself for not listening to my instincts and taking an extra moment to count out the money before they left. such a stupid thing to fall for. i had to pay the difference in the drawer at the end of the night. sigh. :( this whole learning curve thing makes me feel so gauche. it's like my life is a faux pas that NO ONE SEES until they DO and i am out of luck.

i almost cried during Finding Nemo today.

yeah. FINDING NEMO.



in other news! right now i'm in NM with my grands. tomorrow i'm driving my new car back.embarrassing to be the recepient of such largesse and luck. it'sa SmartCar. i'm very thankful, although my grands have absolutely driven me up the wall by cutting down my life choices in that special, we-r-worried-for-you grandparent way. 

i have a new job at Irie Bean, a sweet independent coffee bar that also serves beer and does a lot of cool events.
i am dating an older cute tall musical theater major named Nick . :)



I sit tight, don't want to miss the show
I hang on, don't want to miss my prime
'Cause time will fly, upon my baby's back
Time will fly, upon my baby's back

Stay a while, my baby wants me too
Don't you go, my baby begs me so
But tide will dry, upon my baby's back
Tide will dry, upon my baby's back

I get weak
I get weary
I miss sleep
I get moody
I'm in thoughts
I write songs
I'm in love
I walk on

Fingers crossed, my time is coming now
Don't you go, my baby begs me so
Time will fly, upon my baby's back
Time will fly, upon my baby's back

I get weak
I get weary
I miss sleep
I get moody
I'm in thoughts
I write songs
I'm in love
I walk on

i got accepted to U Hawai'i. i think i am going to ask my grandmother to fly me out there for about two days to see how it is before i make any decision. but i have to check when UH's 'tell us whether you want to come to our school dammit' date is and also if they can actually accomadate me.

i am waving my arms in a noodly fashion to express my confusion.

British
[ x] You drink a lot of tea.
[x] You know what a brolly is.
[ ] Deal or No Deal has taken over your life
[ ] You wanted Ben to win X Factor.
[x] You use the word "bugger" or the phrase "bloody hell."
[ ] Fish and Chips are yummy.
[ ] You can eat a Full English Breakfast.
[ ] You dislike emos almost as much as you dislike chavs. (Almost.)
[ ] It's football...not soccer.
Total: 3


Australian
[ ] You wear flip flops all year.
[ ] You call flipflops thongs, not flip flops.
[ ] You love a backyard barbie.
[ ] You know a barbie is not a doll.
[x] You love the beach.
[x] Sometimes you swear without realizing.
[ ] You're a sports fanatic.
[ ] You are tanned.
[ ] You're a bit of a bogan.
[ ] You have an Australian something.
Total: 2.


Italian
[ ] The Sopranos is a great show.
[ ] Your last name ends in a vowel.
[ ] Your grandmother makes her own sauces.
[ x] You know how a real meatball tastes.
[ ] You know Italian songs.
[ ] You have dark hair and dark eye color.
[ ] You speak some Italian.
[x] You are under 5'10'
[ ] You know what an Italian horn is.
[ ] Pizza/spaghetti is the best food in the world!
[x] You talk with your hands.
Total: 3.



Spanish
[ ] You say member instead of Remember.
[ ] You speak Spanish or some.
[x] You like tacos.
[ ] YoU TyPe lIkE ThIs On Da CoMpUtEr.
[ ] You are dark skinned.
[x] You know what a Puta is.
[x] You talk fast occasionally.
[x] You have had highlights or have dyed your hair.
[x] You know what platanos are.
Total: 5.



Russian
[ ] You say villain as: Vee-lon.
[ ] You get short tempered.
[x] You know of somebody named Natasha.
[ ] You don't get cold easily.
[ ] Rain is fun for you.
[ ] You get into contests all the time.
[ ] You can easily make do with the cold weather.
Total: 1.


Irish
[ ] You think beer is the best.
[ ] You have a bad temper.
[ ] Your last name starts with a Mc, Murph, O', Fitz or ends with a ley, on, un, an, in, ry, ly, y.
[ x] You have blue or green eyes.
[x] You like the color green.
[ x] You have been to a St. patty's day party.
[ ] You have a family member from Ireland.
[ ] You have hair everywhere.
[ ] You have/had freckles.
[ x] Your family get-togethers always include drinking and singing.
Total: 4.



African American
[ ] You say ni#*a/nukka casually.
[ ] You have nappy hair.
[ ] You like rap.
[ x] You know how to shoot a gun.
[ x] You think President George Walker Bush is racist.
[ ] You like chicken.
[x] You like watermelon.
[ x] You can dance.
[ ] You refer to people as 'dawg' or 'homie'.
[ ] You can 'sing' gospel.
Total: 4.

Asian
[ ] You have slanty/small eyes.
[ ] You like rice a lot.
[ ] You are good at math.
[ ] You play/have played the piano.
[ ] You have family from Asia.
[x] You laugh sometimes covering your mouth.
[ ] Most people think you're Chinese.
[ ] You call hurricanes typhoons.
[ ] You go to Baulko.
Total: 1.


German
[x] You like bread.
[ x] You think German Chocolate is good.
[ x] You speak some German.
[x] You know what Schnitzel is.
[x] You went to pre-school.
[x] You're over 5'2.
[ ] You like Limburger cheese.
Total: 6.


Canadian
[ ] You like/play/played hockey.
[ ] You love beer.
[ ] You say eh. A lot.
[ x] You know what poutine is.
[ ] You speak some French.
[ ] You love Tim Horton's.
[ ] At one point you lived in a farm house.
[ ] You watch/watched degrassi.
Total: 1.


American
[ ] You hate foreigners.
[ ] You hate non-Christians.
[x] You're lazy.
[ ] You are not cultured.
[ ] You hate abortion.
[ ] You love the death penalty.
[ ] You don't read.
[ ] You shop at walmart.
[x] You think this survey is rather biased stereotypical.
Total: 1.


it's true, i am German.